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20 January 2015

Notes

A few things I've learned along the way:

+ No one is more responsible for the things that have happened to you, than you. Own everything. Otherwise you forfeit the right to talk about it later.

+ Your biggest enemy always has been and always will be yourself. Fight the good fight against it. But embrace your internal challenges when needed.

+You need to be the one to love yourself more than anyone else ever has, can, or will. If you don't, you are essentially unfit and unworthy.

+Everyone will say what they want and make up what they want to cast their light in the best way possible. You can only control how you react. And the best reaction is usually none at all.

+There are three sides to every story: yours, theirs, and the room.

+You should never be in competition with anyone but yourself. Everyone should have a fair chance at making it. But don't worry if some play dirty. Their day will come, and you will be able to bask in a different glow.

+The best things are the hardest to get.

+If you have a goal, keep at it until you get there. But remember, "there" can and will change.

+Embrace mistakes and everything that comes with them. We are all spinning around wondering why and what for, the best thing we can do is test every limit no matter the consequences.

+If you are a woman: fight for other women. We need to learn to be better allies for one another. This is one I am learning daily and unlearning the bad things I gained growing up. If you are a man: teach other men what is means to be respectful. Bring chivalry back, make it a thing.

+Be thankful, be graceful, be humble, but never bend for anyone. Never.

-xo

13 January 2015

Ah, hell

"You can cry all you want about it. But it's over."
"I'm crying because I'm happy."
"You can cry all you want about it, because it's over!"
I'm still on hiatus. Kind of. Some new things are popping up so I have to pop up too.
But I'm alive. I'm chugging along like the beast that I am.
2015 is no more chasing, no more crying, no more living in a moment that doesn't exist. And won't exist. Cause I get it. UGH I fucking get it! I got it from a moment that you did on accident. Or accidentally on purpose. Either way, shove it.
Plus I spent the end of 2014 with the best and the first day of the new year with a Santa Monica based powerhouse that has my tongue tied. Or maybe it was the whiskey and constant laughter. But probably the former.

Watch out world!

Watch. The. Fuck. Out.

-xo

12 November 2014

And In The End

Thanks to those of you who came out to Musee Mecanique. It was great meeting you all.
+++

Sometimes you're sitting in a room and let's say you've been sitting there a while, in the same spot, working on something, focused, determined and then the light flickers. And for a moment your mind stops doing what it was doing and tries to figure out the reasoning behind the flickering light. Then, eventually, you go back to what you were doing... and... and well some people just get back on the same train and keep trying to chug along and some people take quick inventory of what they were focused on before the light flickered and realize that maybe it's time to get up and move around a bit.
I took inventory. 
And now I'm moving.

+++

"I made a decision today..." I say this as I pick away at the remaining cover of the chair. I hear the clamoring of glasses, raspy laughs, long sighs.
"And... that is what?" He takes another long sip of his fernet and checks his phone for the 100th time.
"I am officially, and I mean that... like solid ground officially, done with him."
He laughs.
"Which him?"
I roll my eyes. But it's a true statement. I am juggling hims and forgetting names and confusing events more often lately. 
"E.B. I am done. I have to be. I have officially deleted all phone evidence and spent hours last night looking up how to forget things like phone numbers. There are some weird youtube videos and for a while I couldn't remember my birthday but I think it's erased now."
He laughs harder. "Skye, why? You were adamant about winning him back. You have been for weeks. What happened?"
I look down and shrug. I feel my face getting hot and my eyes welling up.
"It's all head games. Texting back, not texting back. Not answering things when I ask, but leaving with innuendos. It's not getting me anywhere. And I'm done chasing. I'm tired. I'm tired and I can't keep crying about it."
He rubs my shoulder and kisses my forehead.
"He's an idiot and an asshole. I'm sorry. So what about Justin?"
I laugh and finish off my vodka.
"He dumped me last night. I am too much work he said. 'It just seems like a lot of work' he said. He gave me a long hug before he walked away. The story of my life. Long hugs, lingering looks. Wah wah. I couldn't convince an ant to stick around even if I had an endless supply of sugar."
He laughs again. This time with the saddest look on his face. 
"Fuck em all," I say "fuck em all. And the studio audience erupts into applause and laughter and the sad girl sitting at home toasts the tv."
"What?"
"Nevermind."

+++

So after a few days and some long thoughtful self talks I (being this blog) am now on indefinite hiatus.
Good luck, friends. Thank you all for reading as often as you did.


-xo